Trust

So I was trying to find a poem that I had written but I haven't been able to find it as of now and I no longer have the original...so hopefully I find it on my hard drive somewhere. Anywho, while looking for this I ran across something I had written about a year and a half ago. I thought it was interesting.

Webster defines trust as, “to commit or place in one’s keeping; to permit to stay or go or to do something without fear of misgiving.” I really like this definition of trust because it mentions fear. This is listed broadly as a fear of misgiving, but can be adapted to any circumstance. In a relationship, what fears could cause a lack of trust?
First one that comes to my mind is a fear of rejection. Not in the typical sense, but rather the fear of your ideas being contrary to the other person’s ideas, thus getting rejected. This can never be the case in any relationship. If you think differently, it’ alright, and actually should be encouraged. One should never blindly accept what another has told them. This does not mean to be obnoxious about it. A two-way communication should always be open and in use. One person cannot dictate the content of the communication; both people need to be actively involved. Even if what you have to say may seem meaningless; it rarely will be to the other person. For someone to trust you, you must trust them and vice-versa. If you are unable to talk about things, your relationship will fail.
The fear of your ideas getting rejected is very real and happens more than you would like. In the optimal relationship, your ideas would be accepted and considered. Upon consideration, the other person needs to tell you what they think in a considerate manner. If they are not respectful in their reply, it will greatly affect your ability to trust them. Likewise, when someone trusts you enough to talk about something, you must also be respectful in order to gain their trust too. Trust in them will build as they trust you more.
This fear could also come up by not wanting to upset the other person. Sometimes you may be “too selfless” and end up hurting yourself. If what you are thinking will upset them, it is often best to tell them anyhow. However, if you do think this and never tell the other person, it will be much worse for you in the long run. They will wonder why you didn’t trust them enough and it will weaken the trust shared between the two. So if they truly care about you, they will listen and try to help you with whatever your concern is and how to remedy it. Odds are that they will be able to help with your problem better than anyone else because they care about and understand you better than anyone else. There is no need to fear the other person rejecting your ideas if they truly care about you.
Another fear that may arise, as previously mentioned, is that you may offend the other person. In fact, this will not happen. If you ask them a question that would offend them, then you should reevaluate the situation. If you truly care about them, you will not ask it anyhow. Perhaps you’re unsure of how the other person may react; this is the most likely case. While the question may seem awkward, the other person will be glad you asked. They have been wondering the same question themselves. By bringing up the issue first, it shows them how much you really trust them. It shows that you trust them enough to bring up an issue that should be discussed, but also one in which both parties were too afraid to overcome. If you overcome this fear, the other person will have increased respect for you and also place more trust in you. They will place more trust in you because you’ve shown that you have more trust in them.
One final fear to discuss is the fear of losing the best thing in your life: the friendship with the other person. You value this so much that you are willing to do anything to keep it. Thus to keep to keep this friendship, you must overcome your other fears. Doing so will allow you to keep the most important thing in your life: the friendship of the other person. While this is very close to absolute trust, it still involves fear, thus not completely being trust. Real trust, and with it the most genuine care one can offer, comes when one no longer fears losing the person. Once they know that they will not lose the other person, and then the relationship will be at a state that few will ever truly come to know.