I have recently "rediscovered" Jazz music. I've always been a pretty big fan of it, but recently I haven't been listening to it and choose some sort of Rock instead. Not a bad thing per se, but I'm really missing out on something that makes me rather happy. The math is simple enough, if something makes you happy, then do it. Doesn't seem all that difficult. But why do I give up on Jazz and my trumpet? I always refer to my trumpet as "my baby" yet I haven't touched it in over a month. Then again, I was pretty busy, but recently I've had lots of free time and I still haven't touched it. Weird. But that's life I guess.
Speaking of life, I have learned two things recently. One, there are nice people in the world. And two, you shouldn't rely on other people to make you happy.
I tend to be very cynical about people in general. It's been my experience that people suck and aren't really worth your time. But I don't really believe that, however, it is a good cover for what I actually think. If I can keep up that shield and at least pretend to believe that, then I can never get hurt. By the same token, I'll also never know what a real friend is like. It seems that people are actually worth my time, and some more deserving than others. Does this realization make it any easier to be less cynical? Not really. It should, but there's still that voice in my head that makes me doubt everything. Hopefully that will go away, but as of now, I haven't quite figured out how to do that.
I recently spent the wee hours of the morning talking to an old friend. I haven't heard from them in quite some time, so it was a rather interesting conversation. And perhaps the greatest thing I learned from it, is that you can't rely on other people to make you happy. While they are a great resource to help you become happy, you should not rely on them to do so. Some things you have to learn by yourself to truly understand their meaning. I've always been under the assumption that if I can learn a lesson from someone else, that I should learn it from them rather than going through it myself. After a year of no correspondence with this particular friend, I was able to learn a lot of things for myself. Something I could never have learned this poignantly if they were just handed to me on a silver plate. While that made me mad at the time, and that they knew what to do but wouldn't help, in the end it has been greatly to my benefit. I've had to learn how to deal with my problems by myself, and not always relying on other people. I think I've always relied on other people to make me happy, but that's not fair. When it comes down to it, I am solely responsible for my happiness and not other people. They're here to help, but not to solve it completely. A lesson I did not want to learn, but in hindsight one that is invaluable.
And on a more random note, I have a tendency to fall asleep on the couch. Seems like it happens almost every night, and then I wake up at random times and then go back to my bed. But today, I woke up, took my contacts out, and decided to play on the internet for a while. Hence this beautiful post at 5:30 in the morning. It may sounds completely crazy when I wake up for real in the morning, but right now, it seems pretty darn good. And at least I got some sleep before 5:30 and wasn't awake until now. But there's no classes, so that pretty much makes life enjoyable. Hopefully it continues! : )
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