When I was younger, with apparently masochistic taste buds, I could put like 7 or 8 atomic fireballs into my mouth at one time. It was never easy, but always worth it. But now, I just don't see why that even seemed like a good idea. One of them isn't all that enjoyable, 7 or 8 would just be brutal. What a waste of good sugar. Jawbreakers on the other hand, while very similar to atomic fireballs, are a much better use of sugar. Plus, jawbreakers change color. It's always exciting to see what color what it will change into next. Except for those really big ones, those are just ridiculous. I don't think I've ever been able to finish off one of those. Generally, they're just really good at making messes. And when you have to clean up after yourself, that's not a very attractive attribute to have.
On a completely different, but of similar importance, is the great mystery of the Elavil. Well, technically, of the amitriptyline. I take TWO of them every night. So when I get it filled, there's supposed to be 60 pills in it. So there should always be an even number of pills in there. But, strangely enough, there's 7 of them in there right now. I have no idea how that happened. I don't really keep track of them, so I don't know if it started out w/ an odd number or if one magically disappeared. But those seem to be the only two plausible explanations for this phenomena. But if there was an odd number to begin with, did I get one too many, or one too few? Neither are very good for business. And if they magically disappeared, where did they go? My current theory is that they're in the same place as all those socks I lose in the dryer and all those points I lose on midterms. And strangely enough, it was filled at Walgreens. I've never had any problems with them so I'm very hesitant to pass the blame on to them. If it was the Health Center, I'd blame them in a heartbeat. They charge me more for my meds. BLAH. A months supply of meds should only be 10 dollars, NOT $16.50. That's just absurd.
But alas, it is time for me to go to bed so that I can make it to Econ. and be a good student like that! : )
Monday, February 25, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Pyschologist = Fun
So I went to the psychologist today. Nothing new there. But what he said today was quite hilarious, and so darn true. Haha, I never really thought of it this way, so it was pretty sweet. It seems to me that anytime I mention that my mom died when I was 12, it's pretty much a conversation stopper. Everything just gets really awkward and so I generally just try to avoid telling it to people. Which I, and my psychologist, think is a rather dumb thing to do. And here's his insight. He was very surprised that that is such a conversation stopper. It's not like I told them I molest little kids or something, but that seems to be how they react. I never really thought it unusual for people to react this way b/c that's how they've always reacted to me. But he says that that really isn't all that normal. And people don't usually react that way to it. Which is cool, b/c I've always thought that was how everyone would react and apparently I was wrong. I love being wrong in this case. Haha. But he's so right. It's not something that should be inherently awkward. Yes, she died, that's sad. But not awkward or disturbing.
We also had a pretty good discussion about the month of March. March is typically the worst month for me as far as this goes. Mom's Birthday is the 14th and she died on the 23rd. So it's generally a pretty brutal month in that respect. But, it doesn't have to be. And really, it shouldn't be. I have a tradition where I buy like 5 pounds of M and M's around her Birthday and they last me till about the end of the month...depending on how hungry I am. They won't last nearly that long this year. Haha. But my psych asked why I do that every year. Obviously, b/c she loved M and M's. But really, it's my way of celebrating my mom. I don't typically look at it w/ that optimistic slant to it. I generally say I'm buying the M and M's to drown my sorrow in chocolate or something. But really, I'm celebrating her life. And trust me, there's quite a bit to celebrate there. And this year, it will be really nice b/c the weekend of the 14th Melanie and her kids will be coming up here to Utah and I'm giving a presentation at the Utah Energy Conference on the 13th. And Erin is living w/ Dick and Michelle up in Bountiful, so it will be quite the fun family get together around Mom's Birthday this year. I think she appreciates that. It seems like a rather good present to me; family getting together and having fun. I'm pretty sure Mom thinks that's a great Birthday present. So that's pretty neat. All in all, my trip to the psych was really good today. And after last night, it really had to be. So it was nice to be able to talk about Mom and not make things awkward. Pyschs are good for that kind of stuff. I only wish that other people were a little bit more receptive, but eventually someone will be. Or at least I'll keep believing that anyhow. : )
We also had a pretty good discussion about the month of March. March is typically the worst month for me as far as this goes. Mom's Birthday is the 14th and she died on the 23rd. So it's generally a pretty brutal month in that respect. But, it doesn't have to be. And really, it shouldn't be. I have a tradition where I buy like 5 pounds of M and M's around her Birthday and they last me till about the end of the month...depending on how hungry I am. They won't last nearly that long this year. Haha. But my psych asked why I do that every year. Obviously, b/c she loved M and M's. But really, it's my way of celebrating my mom. I don't typically look at it w/ that optimistic slant to it. I generally say I'm buying the M and M's to drown my sorrow in chocolate or something. But really, I'm celebrating her life. And trust me, there's quite a bit to celebrate there. And this year, it will be really nice b/c the weekend of the 14th Melanie and her kids will be coming up here to Utah and I'm giving a presentation at the Utah Energy Conference on the 13th. And Erin is living w/ Dick and Michelle up in Bountiful, so it will be quite the fun family get together around Mom's Birthday this year. I think she appreciates that. It seems like a rather good present to me; family getting together and having fun. I'm pretty sure Mom thinks that's a great Birthday present. So that's pretty neat. All in all, my trip to the psych was really good today. And after last night, it really had to be. So it was nice to be able to talk about Mom and not make things awkward. Pyschs are good for that kind of stuff. I only wish that other people were a little bit more receptive, but eventually someone will be. Or at least I'll keep believing that anyhow. : )
Monday, February 18, 2008
Jazz, Life, and 5:15 AM
I have recently "rediscovered" Jazz music. I've always been a pretty big fan of it, but recently I haven't been listening to it and choose some sort of Rock instead. Not a bad thing per se, but I'm really missing out on something that makes me rather happy. The math is simple enough, if something makes you happy, then do it. Doesn't seem all that difficult. But why do I give up on Jazz and my trumpet? I always refer to my trumpet as "my baby" yet I haven't touched it in over a month. Then again, I was pretty busy, but recently I've had lots of free time and I still haven't touched it. Weird. But that's life I guess.
Speaking of life, I have learned two things recently. One, there are nice people in the world. And two, you shouldn't rely on other people to make you happy.
I tend to be very cynical about people in general. It's been my experience that people suck and aren't really worth your time. But I don't really believe that, however, it is a good cover for what I actually think. If I can keep up that shield and at least pretend to believe that, then I can never get hurt. By the same token, I'll also never know what a real friend is like. It seems that people are actually worth my time, and some more deserving than others. Does this realization make it any easier to be less cynical? Not really. It should, but there's still that voice in my head that makes me doubt everything. Hopefully that will go away, but as of now, I haven't quite figured out how to do that.
I recently spent the wee hours of the morning talking to an old friend. I haven't heard from them in quite some time, so it was a rather interesting conversation. And perhaps the greatest thing I learned from it, is that you can't rely on other people to make you happy. While they are a great resource to help you become happy, you should not rely on them to do so. Some things you have to learn by yourself to truly understand their meaning. I've always been under the assumption that if I can learn a lesson from someone else, that I should learn it from them rather than going through it myself. After a year of no correspondence with this particular friend, I was able to learn a lot of things for myself. Something I could never have learned this poignantly if they were just handed to me on a silver plate. While that made me mad at the time, and that they knew what to do but wouldn't help, in the end it has been greatly to my benefit. I've had to learn how to deal with my problems by myself, and not always relying on other people. I think I've always relied on other people to make me happy, but that's not fair. When it comes down to it, I am solely responsible for my happiness and not other people. They're here to help, but not to solve it completely. A lesson I did not want to learn, but in hindsight one that is invaluable.
And on a more random note, I have a tendency to fall asleep on the couch. Seems like it happens almost every night, and then I wake up at random times and then go back to my bed. But today, I woke up, took my contacts out, and decided to play on the internet for a while. Hence this beautiful post at 5:30 in the morning. It may sounds completely crazy when I wake up for real in the morning, but right now, it seems pretty darn good. And at least I got some sleep before 5:30 and wasn't awake until now. But there's no classes, so that pretty much makes life enjoyable. Hopefully it continues! : )
Speaking of life, I have learned two things recently. One, there are nice people in the world. And two, you shouldn't rely on other people to make you happy.
I tend to be very cynical about people in general. It's been my experience that people suck and aren't really worth your time. But I don't really believe that, however, it is a good cover for what I actually think. If I can keep up that shield and at least pretend to believe that, then I can never get hurt. By the same token, I'll also never know what a real friend is like. It seems that people are actually worth my time, and some more deserving than others. Does this realization make it any easier to be less cynical? Not really. It should, but there's still that voice in my head that makes me doubt everything. Hopefully that will go away, but as of now, I haven't quite figured out how to do that.
I recently spent the wee hours of the morning talking to an old friend. I haven't heard from them in quite some time, so it was a rather interesting conversation. And perhaps the greatest thing I learned from it, is that you can't rely on other people to make you happy. While they are a great resource to help you become happy, you should not rely on them to do so. Some things you have to learn by yourself to truly understand their meaning. I've always been under the assumption that if I can learn a lesson from someone else, that I should learn it from them rather than going through it myself. After a year of no correspondence with this particular friend, I was able to learn a lot of things for myself. Something I could never have learned this poignantly if they were just handed to me on a silver plate. While that made me mad at the time, and that they knew what to do but wouldn't help, in the end it has been greatly to my benefit. I've had to learn how to deal with my problems by myself, and not always relying on other people. I think I've always relied on other people to make me happy, but that's not fair. When it comes down to it, I am solely responsible for my happiness and not other people. They're here to help, but not to solve it completely. A lesson I did not want to learn, but in hindsight one that is invaluable.
And on a more random note, I have a tendency to fall asleep on the couch. Seems like it happens almost every night, and then I wake up at random times and then go back to my bed. But today, I woke up, took my contacts out, and decided to play on the internet for a while. Hence this beautiful post at 5:30 in the morning. It may sounds completely crazy when I wake up for real in the morning, but right now, it seems pretty darn good. And at least I got some sleep before 5:30 and wasn't awake until now. But there's no classes, so that pretty much makes life enjoyable. Hopefully it continues! : )
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