I haven't posted in here recently so I figured I better get on it. My life has been rather the same as it always is. I feel like I never really do anything with my life, and well, that's probably true. I hardly ever feel well enough to do much. But I suppose there are things that happen and are worth mentioning. Most recently I saw the new Snow White movie. I had high hopes for it,  but with Kristen Stewart playing Snow White you never quite know how it's gonna go. Surprisingly, she did a really good job. All that angsty crappy acting she's done in every other movie finally got replaced by some quality work. It wasn't the best I've ever seen, but it was a refreshing difference from her usual trick of strutting round the stage.

We've been working on building a fence in the backyard recently and by we, I mean mostly David. I haven't felt well enough to most of the heavy work but I was able to help get some of the boards up on it the other day. That was fun. This fence is looking pretty awesome. We are only like a quarter of the way through it though, so it will look much more awesome when it is done. I could probably go work on it some more right now, but the Cardinals game is on right now and we all know that takes precedence over everything.

I have recently had the opportunity and drive to go to the temple a couple of times this past week. It's been a while since I've been there. I hadn't been there since I've been home in Missouri. It's only a 30 minute drive there so it's not terribly inconvenient but it's also not just up 9th like it is in Provo. Through a series of unfortunate events for friends and family I felt compelled to go to the temple to pray for them and ask the Lord for His help in their lives and situations. And I'm happy to report that those events which drove me to the temple seem to be shaping up nicely and going well now. All of these people are currently living far away from me and that was the only thing I felt like I could do to help out. Lesson for the day: Whenever you feel helpless in any situation, turn to the Lord and serve Him in His Holy house.



-----St. Louis Missouri Temple-----


The positive turnouts of those situations being as they are it was also a great spiritual moment for me. There is a certain peace that one finds when relying on the Lord and giving your agency solely to Him, if only for a small time. We get so controlling with our lives that we often don't want to completely surrender it for extended periods of time because of our base human nature, but those moments we overcome our pride are very rewarding. All the problems and frustrations in your life become manageable, patience seems more of a virtue than an irritation, and the oft sought for but hardly attained inner peace appears. I had the opportunity to also assist in baptisms for the dead in the temple. I always like doing that because it's the first ordinance we receive and is the stepping stone to salvation for us personally and everyone around us. It is a wonderful feeling to know that hundreds more people will begin that wonderful journey in one night at the temple. The long awaited blessings of eternity begin to open up for them and you can feel the Joy that they feel as you do service for them. It is a truly marvelous feeling.

Home and other adventures

This is the first time in a few years that I am back in Missouri for some period of time that is NOT Christmas. That being said, I'm rather excited for it. I always love being home. Utah is great, but Missouri will always be home for me. The Cardinals games are broadcast every day out here, how could it not be home? Although all my research is in Utah, so that's getting put on hold even more. That saddens me some because my research is what I usually feel gives me purpose in my life. I've been so sick for so long and made so little progress in my life and my research is really the only area I ever move forward in. I suppose it's time to make progress in other aspects of my life.

That's really the reason I'm home anyhow, to make progress in my life. I have seen like every specialist in Provo and Salt Lake City and none of them can figure out what is wrong with me. I have spent two years getting tests and having to withdraw from all classes for the last 5 semesters all for naught. Now I'm seeing super fancy doctors in St. Louis at Washington University who are hopefully gonna figure things out for me. I would ideally like this to be a short process and get done sometime this summer, but I have this sneaking suspicion that it could take much longer. I don't like being patient. It's hard. And I feel I've been patient long enough. I know I've BEEN a patient more than my fair share. Too bad that doesn't translate into patience. It would be wonderful.

Patience and Faith always seem to go hand in hand. If I want to be patient I'll just have to have faith that it will all work out, or that it will at least be something I can handle. I don't really mind being chronically ill, you get used it, but it stops me from everything else. Perhaps I'm not meant to be doing those things at this time in my life and my focus needs to shift to those things are apparently going on. It's hard to see those things hidden in the fog of being chronically ill. I wish I had better recognition and could figure out the answers to what I should be looking for and doing right now. I usually just sit on my couch because I don't feel well enough to do anything else. It seems pretty useless. But it's what I have to do to stay out of the hospital, so I guess it works! And if it works, I should probably just be happy with it. I can't change it, so why get upset. Life is supposed to be joyful and I need to learn to better embrace that fact and have faith that is true.