All We Are, we are

As some of you may know, the first three words of the title are a song by Matt Nathanson. I'd suggest listening to it as it is really good. But to continue to what I really want to write, it does have a good message. All we are is exactly who we are. And this sounds simple and perhaps even stupid, but that doesn't matter. The true beauty in this is knowing who we really are and enjoying every second of it. For too many years, I've tried to lie to myself, convince myself, or otherwise change my perspective of who I was; that I didn't need to be happy and abandonment is no big deal. Now that's just two, but they're probably the biggest. Sometimes, if not always, it takes a life changing even for one to make such changes and realize they've been lying to themselves all along. For me, that would be cops storming into my bedroom. Scary as all get out, but necessary. And after all of this, and the help I am currently receiving I've been able to realize that one simple truth: All we are, we are. So enjoy it and make the very best of the person that you are! Or at least work towards it, that's my goal anyhow. It will take a while, but it is a goal I foresee myself accomplishing. :) Peace out for now.

Psych Ward......again!

So as all of you know already, or I assume you do, I was in the psych ward from Thursday night till Monday afternoon. This time I was in the one down in Provo and not in Salt Lake. This one is a lot more prison feeling and the food wasn't as good. Oh, and I couldn't get all the Dr. Pepper I wanted. But other than that, it was good. And actually, there was one great thing about this place. They follow this "lifetrap" philosophy thing. It's all out of this book called "Reinventing Your Life." This book was basically life changing for me.

I went to UNI after an anxiety attack so that I couldn't even try to attempt suicide. But this time, I had actually tried to commit suicide. Two cop cars, an ambulance, AND a fire truck came. That pretty much scared the crap out of me. Especially since I am really afraid of cops and he was the first one to arrive. And of course a lot of people were standing around looking to see what happened. So then I walked myself into the ambulance, crowd watching, and went to the hospital. They put me in the pediatric room. That was awesome. It was all decorated with Finding Nemo stuff. SOOOOO COOL. And Happy. So the social worker finally came in, and it wasn't Randy this time. Whew. He's the idiot who kicked me out of the ER in October. Anyhow, this nice new social worker came in and told me basically that I was gonna be staying there. So I did. And then I got all my nice reading and thinking and praying in. And there were a lot of group therapy things that I went to as well. And in the end, I've decided to make some much needed changes in my life that will help me to be MUCH happier and hopefully keep me out of the psych ward in the future. Oh, and they added Wellbutrin with my Prozac. That's the other change. Guess we'll see how that works. Anyhow, that's once again my life as it stands right now.